narayan thapa

Narayan Thapa:: Redhat Certified Engineer(RHCE), Redhat Certified Technician(RHCT),PHP Programmer and IT consultant from Nepal

Hi guys..

First..

Enjoy and make this day memorable at least for next 364 days

I Hope this new years brings Peace , Prosperity , Good Health for you and your family along with lot’s of success through out the year …. And it will surely do …

Second

When My Hands are typing this year’s wishes I remembered the sweet moments of the last year which surely are a rare moments I ever had , that will forever strike my mind …

Third

I know, you all wished me very good year .. 2064.. and it was good too (not so funny joke).

Beginning jestha.. it was good decision to close readNepal with very unwanted events.. that happened accidentally due to……….?

At the mid of 2064… it is another funny, unwanted and unconvinced condition and criteria.. that I have got somehow.. and I knew… it will surely hurt me .. … always.. :(

Playing with options.. always (!).. is not a bad idea.. but when I am wishing you very good year.. I shouldn’t play ….. ..

I knew very good things .. at the mid of year.. after feeling.. and analyzing things.. when all those played .. (I am not a cricket ball :( )

On last quarter .. it was very good to me.. at least.. I was clear  about where to vote.. (vote.. ?? lol, confusing words..)

Last week I went to my village to vote on constitutional election.. held on April 10th.. ( I don’t know how costly it was).. and when I am posting all these things.. here results are coming.. and I am feeling.. I am going to change my shoes.. very soon…. after a long time.. (getting my points ?).. may be on this month.

Changing old shoes .. it will be my very good beginning again.. for me..for you.. and for all.. so wish me(or all) happy new year…..

As usual, my email client application used to check my pop email on every 2 minutes. That’s why I able to reply all email on next minute.

I am sorry. Not every email, only important emails…

I was waiting an email today. Not from gf (sense of humor), but from my client.. :)

I got one.. may be that was same email which is I am waiting.. slow internet.. receiving.. receiving.. receiving.. and yes, lastly received ..

Damm it. :(

It was a email sent by one of supporter of RPP N(rastriya prajatantra party Nepal), a party by kamal Thapa.

42s.jpg

Silly joke. They are using internet to ask for vote.. :) but not so bad idea.. hehehe

You are free to express and use your right of vote.However I hope you will remember People’s Movement 2006 before you vote.

Also read about Kamal Thapa Through Google

I am not supporting to him either making publicize .. however just read following email message that I have got..

CA election is a contest of ideas. At present there are mainly two competing ideas or options: republic vs Monarchy. If the present trends are any indication, the idea of republic eventually will lead the country towards the rise of extreme left in the power, to be followed by foreign intervention and disintegration of the country.

nepal_police.jpgnepal_protest.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

To save the country from this dangerous possibility, we need to create a polity where all political forces- Monarchy, Maoists and the democratic parties can co- exist in a harmonious way. That polity is “CONSTITUTIONAL MONARCHIAL PARLIAMENTARY DEMOCRACY” – an alternative idea put forward by Rastriya Prajatanta Party- Nepal (RPP-N). End of monarchy does not guarantee democracy, Afghanistan, Iran, Sikkim and Cambodia are examples of this bitter truth. Against this backdrop “constitutional monarchial parliamentary democracy” as practical in Britain, Japan and Thailand is best suited to Nepal. Lets support this idea of reconciliation and national unity.

VOTE FOR RPP-N , ELECTION SYMBOL: COW!!

Regards,
Kamal Thapa
Chairman
RPP- N

From Kathmandu Constituency 5 and Makwanpur Constituency 3

VOTE FOR RPP- N ELECTION SYMBOL: COW

I have just few minutes ..to write.. I am waiting for something.. that need to be done today..

I thought  to write.. and decided to write anout MySQL vs. PostgreSQL.

Nepal government is going to develop electronic gate pass system to make easy entry on Shinhadurbar. Project is ongoing e-governance practice..that is happening under NITC  

I have reviewed TOR (term of reference)  regarding to the project and really disappointed regarding to their theory and and their requirement for this.

I don’t know who prepared TOR for NITC (May be engineers who are working there or some another  IT company). But they decided to use PostgreSQL(I think first time in Nepal).

They  have prepared a long list about features for using PostgreSQL (I think that is not necessary to describe there) but they didn’t thought and described  about why they can’t do use MySQL.

I will post all details on next post (when I will have that TOR and detail about that project).

However according to my experience working with both database system and after doing research regarding to choose which database system is best for intranet (gate pass system also intranet application)/internet applications I prefer to choose MySQL. I have made intranet application for few government offices in Nepal and non government offices as well.

I will post all features regarding to both database system by comparing. But one truth and experience of most of the developers is “MySQL is relatively faster than PostgreSQL (which is need for this project)”.

I don’t know who is playing behind on this project.. beginning the preparing of TOR to.. but it is not a good way to use donors money as like this.. :)

haha, time up for now.. will post detail till end of this week. :)

तिम्रो सम्पादकले शोभालाई निकाल्यो रे हो ?

हैन होला,निकालेको भए त मलाई थाहा हुनुपर्ने ।

किन तिमीलाई थाहा हुनुपर्ने -तिमी उसको को हौ र ?

ल,कस्तो कुरा गर्र्छौ - उ र म संगै एउटै विभागमा काम गर्छौं, उसका सवै कुराहरु मलाई प्रायः थाहा हुन्छ । उसलाई निकालेको भए त उसले मलाई भन्नुपर्ने ।

छोड् देउ ल, तिमीलाई केहि थाहा रहेनछ । भोली अफिस गएपछि थाहा पाउंछौ ।

तिमीले कसरी थाहा पायौ ?

तिम्रो हाकिम हाम्रो अफिसमा आएको थियो,उ भन्दै थियो ।

राजन मेरो साथी र गाउँले पनि । अलग अलग अफिसमा काम गर्ने भएपनि उसको अफिसको वारेमा मलाई र मेरो अफिसको वारेमा उसलाई थाहा हुने गर्छ । उसको कुरा पछि मलाई खल्लो महसुस भयो । शायद हो कि ! अँ उ र्फकने वेलामा म वाहिर गएको थिएँ । अनि उसले कसरी भन्थी ।

जाँदै गर्दा मनमा लागेको कुरा उ संग भनिहालें, वुझयौ उसलाई निकालेको भए त सांझ र्फकदा उ रुदै फर्किहोली ।

तिमी कसरी त्यस्तो भन्न सक्छौ ?

उसको वारेमा मलाई धेरै थाहा छ । संपादकले एकपटक हप्काउदा उ रोएको मैले देखेको छु । साहृै कमलो मन छ उसको ।

उसको वारेमा तिमीलाई किन यति धरै चिन्ता ? रोओस् कि के गरोस् । कि केहि चक्कर छ ?

ल,तिमी पनि कस्तो कुरा गर्र्छौ ! उ मेरो साथी हो र सवैभन्दा मिल्ने सहकर्मी पनि । अफिसमा उसले जति सहयोग अरु कसैले सायदै गर्ला ।

ल ल वधाई छ । कहिले देखि केटीहरु तिम्रा मिल्ने साथीहरु हुन थाले ? तिमीले जति ढांटे पनि त्रि्रो अनुहारले सवै वताइरहेको छ । जवर्जस्ती किन हास्ने प्रयास गर्छौ ? वरु सिधै भनन, म भोली अफिसमा भनिदिउंला ।

त्यस्तो केहि हैन ,वरु उसलाई किन निकालेको रहेछ, केहि थाहा छ ?

खै !अस्तिको त्यो ‘मर्डर केस’ को समाचार थिएन, हो त्यसमा उसको कारणले मैले धेरै दवाव खेप्नुपर्‍यो भन्दैथियो । सायद त्यसैको खटपट पो हो कि ?

अर्को दिन अफिस संझने वित्तिकै मलाई जान हतार भयो । त्यो दिन अरुदिन भन्दा सायद १०/१५ मिनेट पहिले नै अफिस पुगें कि । काम गर्न मन लागेकै थिएन । म थाहा पाउन चाहन्थें, आखिर भएको के हो ? सिधै सोध्नु पनि भएन । अफिस समय भन्दा एक घण्टा पछिसम्म संगैको क्याविन खाली भैरहेको देख्न सकिन । मलाई हिजोको कुरा पक्कै हो भन्ने भयो।

कुनै कामको निहुं पारी म आफ्नो विभाग प्रमुखकोमा पुंगे । कुराको सिलसिलामा उसले नै शोभाको कुरा निकाल्यो ।

२/४ दिन तपाईलाई कामको वोझ हुन्छ है।

किन र सर ?

शोभा अव आउंदिन ।

किन - छुट्टमा हो ?

हैन। उसलाई निकालिदिएको । यस्तो पाराले पनि काम चल्छ ।

ए !

तर केहि छैन । नयाँ मान्छे राखेर तालिम दिंदा केहि दिन त लागिहाल्छ । सवै तपाईले सम्हाल्नु पर्छ ।

हुन्छ नि सर ।

अव मलाई पक्का विश्वास भयो र खल्लो महशुस पनि । कहिं केहि नपुगे जस्तो । उसको महत्व र उसको असर ममा विस्तारै थाहा हुंदै थियो । आखिर उ अति नै मिल्ने साथी पनि त थिई । मैले नभनेपनि उसले मेरा सबै कुराहरु सोध्थी र म आफ्ना पनि सबै कुराहरु सुनाउथें फुर्सद हुने वितिक्कै अनि अफिस बाट संगै र्फकदा धेरै कुराहरु हुन्थे । हो कति कुराहरु उ भन्थी, रमाईलो गर्थी र मलाई जिस्काउंथि पनि अफीसबाट घर र्फकदा दिन भरको बोझको कुनै सँझना हुने थिएन । हामी हिडदै आउथ्यौ र त्यो समयमा म प्रायः कहिल्यै गम्भीर भईन उसलाई जिस्काउथें मात्र, कति कुराहरुमा उ पनि लाडे भएर जिस्कन्थी अनि कहिलेकांही रिसाए जस्तो गर्थी मैले माफी नमाग्दा सम्म । क्याबिनमा आएर त्यो दिन जानु पर्ने कार्यक्रमको सुची हेर्दै थिएँ ।

“के छ सर आरामै हुनु हुन्छ-” उसको स्वर सुनिहालें ।

“ठीकै छ अनि तपाईको -”।

“थाहा पाई सक्नु भयो होला, म अब आउंदिन ।”

“सरले के भनि निकालेको -”

“त्यस्तो केहि भन्नु भएन। त्यहि हो, अहिले अफीसको हालत राम्रो छैन चलाउन गाह्रो भैरहेको छ तिमी भोली देखि काममा नआउ, आबस्यक परे फेरी बोलाउंला भन्नु भयो ।”

“अनि तपाईले -”

“मैले के भन्नु ,ठिकै छ हुन्छ भनेँ ।”

उसको त्यो चम्किलो अनुहारमा केहि पिडा बोध थिएन । एकदम निर्दोष अनुहार कुनै भाव विनाको । एक छिन कुरा गर्नको लागि भनि हामी नजिकैको क्यान्टीनमा गयौं।खाने समय त थिएन तै पनि समय बिताउनकै लागि २ कप कफि मगायौँ ।

“अनि अब के गर्नुहुन्छ त -”

“थाहा छैन । सायद आफनो पर्ढाई पुरा गर्न तिर लाग्छु कि -”

“किन अब जागिर नखाने - अन्त प्रयास गर्दा भै हाल्छ नि -”

“हैन अब १/२ बर्षजागिर नखाने । पहिला पर्ढाई पुरा गर्ने कि भनेर सोच्दैछु ।”

यता उताका कुराहरु भए । ऊ गम्भीर थिई र म पनि । करिब आधा घन्टा पछि म आफ्नो क्याबिनमा छिरे र ऊ पनि घरतिर लागि । जानेवेलामा वेलावेलामा फोन गर्न र इमेल गर्न नविर्सन भनि । उ ढोकावाट वाहिर निस्कदै गर्दा मैले ख्याल गरें, जिन्स पाईन्ट र टिर्सटमा उ एकदमै राम्री देखिएकी थिई । मैले उसलाई पहिलोचोटि पुर्ण रुपमा हेरें,उ सांच्चिकै राम्री देखिएकी थिई,आफ्नो विचार जस्तै।

सांझ र्फकदै गर्दा मैले अझ वढि खल्लो महसुस गरें । एक्लै भएपनि त्यो दिन म हिंडेरै आएं । त्यो दिन कुनै रमाइलो थिएन । म एक्लै थिएँ । मान्छेहरुको भिडमा फगत एक्लै । जेहोस् वाटोभरि मैले उसकै वारेमा सोचिरहें । उ आएदेखि आजसम्मका सवै पलहरु । उ आएपछि मलाई कत्ति सहयोग गरेकी थिई । सधै हांसिरहने उसको चेहरा । उसले मलाई असल श्रोता भन्थि । वाटोभरि उ वोलीरहन्थी । हाँस्दै । मलाई पनि रमाईलो लाग्थ्यो । म त्यति नवोल्ने मान्छे,आफ्नो वारेमा कमै भन्ने मान्छे । प्राय उ आफ्ना सवै कुराहरु भन्थि । किन मसंग यति धेरै कुरा गरेकि ? कहिल्यै सोधिन । तपाई पनि आफ्ना वारेमा केहि भन्नुस् न ।उ कर गर्थी र म पनि भन्थेँ । “तपाई त कस्तो मान्छे,अरुहरु जस्तो हुनुहुन्न।”

उ मेरा वारेमा टिप्पणी गर्थि ।वोलेर मैले तपाईलाई धेरै सताएं हगि । विहान जाने वेलामा पनि भन्दैथिई “अव कहिल्यै सताउंदिन “।

हो एकहप्ता वित्दै थियो उ गएको । विचमा कुनै संपर्क भएको थिएन । उ गएपछि म काममा वढि लागेको थिएं । एक त अलिकति वढि वोझ थपिएको पनि थियो र अर्को कुरा गफमै पनि म उसंग जति अरुसंग खुल्न सक्दिनथें । अफिसवाट म निस्कनै आंटेको थिंए । उसको फोन आयो । मलाई सम्झना छ,मैले फोनमा त्यो दिन जति लामो कुरा कहिल्यै गरेको थिईन साथिहरुसंग । लगभग आधा घण्टा । उसले हप्ताभरिका आ_ना कुराहरु प्राय भनि ।

“तपाइ मान्छे त कस्तो ? फोनै गर्नुहुन्न र इमेल पनि त खै ?”

उ गुनासो गर्दै थिई । मैले उसको नम्वर आफुसंग नभएको वहाना पारें । उसले नम्वर दिई । दिउसोमा आफु घरमै हुने हुंदा कुनैवेला फोन गर्न भनि । अनि एकदमै ख्याल गर्नेजस्तो गरेर केहि सुझावहरु दिई । आफ्नो ख्याल गर्न भनि ।

त्यो गएका पछिका दिनहरु फुर्सदमा उसलाई सम्झदै गर्दा गएका थिए । आज फोन गरी, मलाई रमाइलो लाग्यो । मलाई थाहा छ उसले मलाई एकदमै पिडा दिएकी थिई । एउटै मान्छेलाई लगातार सम्झना गरि रहनु एकदमै पिडादायी कुरा थियो । तर त्यो पिडामा केहि रमाइलो, केहि खुसी पनि थियो र आफ्नै किसीमको आफ्नोपन पनि । पिडा नै सहि सम्झीरहुँ जस्तो र अर्को कुरा के पनि थियो भने म शुन्यमा छु जस्तो लाग्थ्यो । बाहिरी संसार सँग बेपरवाह भएर चल्दा केहि व्यवहारहरु अनौठा पनि भएकी साथीभाई, सहकर्मीसँग त्यो अवस्थामा ।

दिनहरु विस्तारै वित्दै थिए । हामी हप्ता हप्तामा इमेल लेख्थ्यौं । च्याट पनि हुन्थ्यो तर इमेलमा अर्कै अपनत्व हुन्छ । पढ्दा र लेख्दा पनि १०/१२ दिनमा फोनमा गफ पनि हुने गथ्र्यो । कहिले ऊ गर्थि अनि कहिले म । प्राय पालै पालो हुन्थ्यो । यो सब त ठिक थियो । तर मैले उसले बोलेका शब्दहरु र इमेलबाट अझ बढि पिडा खपिरहेको महसुस गरिरहेको थिएँ । उसको बारेमा अझ बढि सोच्न थालेको थिएँ । हामी फोनमै पनि जिस्कन्थ्यौं । अनि एकले अर्कालाई आफ्नो ख्याल गर्न भन्थ्यौं । इमेलमा स्वास्थ्य, ‘क्यारियर’, पर्ढाई अनि नोकरीका बारेमा कुराहरु हुन्थे । हामीले एकले अर्कालाई बुझ्न र विश्वास गर्न सक्छौं भन्ने भैसकेको थियो । बस मेरो पिडाको कारणहरु नै पनि यहि वन्थ्यो । हामी नभेटेको धेरै भैसकेको थियो । अफिस मै पनि उसको बारेमा कुरा हुँदा अलि चासो हुन्थ्यो ।

आखिर म यी सबै बोझ एकलै बोकिरहन सकिन । एकदिन अति मिल्ने साथीलाई भनेको उसले मलाई प्रेम भएको बतायो । म यो सब मान्न तयार नै थिइन । म प्रेम हुनबाट टाढै भाग्ने मान्छे केटीहरुसँग जति बढि मित्रता हुँदै गयो त्यति बढि कुराहरु हुन्छन् । एकले अर्काको बारेमा त्यति नै थाहा हुँदै जान्छ अनि प्रेम हुन्छ भनि सोचाई राख्ने मान्छे म । त्यसैले म केटीहरुसँग गहिरो मित्रता गास्दिन थिएँ र प्रेम हुनबाट बच्न यो सबबाट बच्नु पर्छ भन्ने लाग्छ र म त्यस्तै व्यवहार गर्दै पनि थिएँ तर आज मेरो आफ्नै सोचाई लागू भएको थियो ममा । नजानिदो तरीकाले म ऊसँग फसिसकेको थिएँ । उम्कनै नसक्ने गरि । आखिर यो प्रेम हो त - सायद हो कि ∕ विस्तारै म यो प्रेम नै हो भनेर विश्वास गर्न थालेको थिएँ । उसको सम्झना गर्दा अहिले ऊ के गर्दै होली अथवा उसले मेरो बारेमा के सोच्दै होली भनेर सोच्न थालेको थिएँ । मलाई जस्तै उसलाई पनि महसुस भएको छ कि - उसले मेरो बारेमा भन्ने गरेका सकारात्मक कुराहरु सोचेर रमाउने गर्थेँ । फोन अथवा इमेलमा ऊ अति नै खुल्ने गर्थि । अझ भनु ,एउटा शक्ति उसले मलाई गलाएकी थिई, उसले सोध्नु मात्र पथ्र्यौ, म ढाट्नै सक्दिन थिएँ । हो उ पनि त मलाई ढाट्दिन थिइ ।

सोच्दै जाँदा सोचाईको पराकाष्ठामा पुगेपछि मलाई पेटमा दर्द हुन थाल्थ्यो । शरिर सिरिङ्ग हुन्थ्यो । म यो सब कुरा ऊ सँग गर्नै सक्दिनथें । मलाई थाहा थियो । ऊ प्रेममा विश्वास गर्दिन थिई । उसले एकचोटि भनेकी थिई “सर बुझ्नु भो मलाई प्रेममा विश्वास नै छैन”

“किन र ?”

“मैले आफ्ना धेरै साथीहरुको प्रेम देखेकी छु तर कमै मात्र सफल भएका छन् ।”

हाम्रै अफिसको अर्कै विभागमा काम गर्ने केटा र केटीको विचमा प्रेम भएको कुरा अफिसमा गाँइगूँइ चलेको थियो । तिनका बारेमा पनि हामीले चर्चा गरेका थियौं ।

“सरलाई के लाग्छ ? के यिनीहरुले साँच्चै प्रेम गर्छन त एकले अर्कालाई ?”

“किन र गर्छन होला ” ।

“त्यस्तो केहि हैन सर । यो सब ‘फेन्टा लभ’ हो ।”

यो ‘फेन्टा लभ’ भनेको के नि ?”

” ‘फेन्टा लभ’ भनेको आकर्षाण मात्रै हो । यीनीहरुले ‘टाइम पास’ मात्र गरेका हुन् । सरले दुइ चार महिना पछि थाहा पाई हाल्नु हुन्छ नि “।

आखिर नभन्दै चार पाँच महिना पछि उनीहरुको प्रेम सम्बन्ध टुट्यो । आफूले भनेको पुगेकोमा ऊ मुस्कुर्राई ।

यी सब कुराहरुले गर्दा मेरा यी अनुभवहरु, उसको बारेका भावनाहरु ऊसँग भन्न सक्दिन थिएँ । प्रेम प्रस्ताव राख्नु मेरा लागि झनै असंभव कुरो थियो ।

भ्यालेन्टाइन डे का दिन फोन गरेर उसले भनेका कुराहरु चाहे जिस्केर नै किन नहोस् अथवा फोनमा गफ हुँदै जाँदा उसले भनेका कुराहरु म कसरी विर्सन सक्थें । पिडा त सहनु नै थियो ।

उसको र मेरो सम्वन्धको बारेमा एकदिन म विश्लेषण गर्दै थिएँ । विस्तारै म केलाउदै गएँ । अनि एउटा निष्कर्षमा पुगे । हो मलाई प्रेम भएको छ । एउटा निको नहुने रोग पिडा सँगै आनन्द दिने रोग । अझ अर्को निष्कर्षके पनि निकाले भने मैले उसको बारेमा जे सोच्छु, त्यो उसले सोच्दीन । म उसको बारेमा सोचेर जति तनावमा हुन्छु त्यो उसलाई मतलब छैन । लापरवाह मेरो बारेमा । ऊ त्यति सोच्ने गर्दिन । इमेल पढदा अथवा फोन गर्दा मात्र उ मलाई सम्झने गर्छे। हाम्रा बिचमा जति कुराहरु आदान प्रदान हुन्छन, ति सब मित्रताको नाममा हुने गर्छन । उ मलाई एक अति मिल्ने साथि (?) ठान्छे मात्र । प्रेमको बारेमा उ सोच्दै सोच्दिन किनभने ऊ आफै प्रेममा विश्वास गर्दिन र म प्रेमबाट टाढै भागिरहेको मान्छे भन्ने पनि थाहा छ उसलाई ।

एउटा निष्कर्षत निस्कियो । तैपनि मनको कुनै कुनामा केहि आशा बाँकी थियो । सायद ऊ पनि यस्तै सोच्ने गर्छे कि ? नहुन पनि सक्छ तर आशा न हो एउटा त्यान्द्रो कसैगरि बाँच्नको लागि आफ्नै तरिकाले । कसरी थाहा पाउनु उसले के सोच्छे भनेर । कुनै माध्यमबाट सिधै प्रस्ताव गरुँ, उसले नकारी भने त्यो बेलाको पिडा सहनै गाह्रो हुन्छ । प्रस्ताव नै नगरुँ । एउटा आशा त हुन्थ्यो । पिडा सँगै केहि समय रमाउनका निम्ति ।

उसको बारेमा सोच्नु, फेरि उहि निष्कर्षमा पुग्नु अनि अन्त्यमा फेरी आशा पलाउनु मै धेरै समय वितेको थियो । फोन, इमेल र च्याटको सिलसिला नियमित नै थियो । भेटघाट भएको थिएन । आखिर कसरी हुन्थ्यो - आफूले छोडेको अफिसमा ऊ कुनै किसीमले आउनै नचाहने अनि मैले कहाँ गएर भेट्नु । उसलाई कहिँ त बोलाउनै सक्दिनथें । ‘डेटिङ्ग’ भैहाल्थ्यो प्रेमी र प्रमीकाको जस्तो । मेरा बारेमा यत्तिका समय पछि पनि ऊ के सोच्छे ? थाहै थिएन ।

अब विस्तारै उसको बारेमा सोच्ने समय कम हुँदै गएको थियो । म काममा बढि व्यस्त हुँदै गएको थिएँ । यो एउटा बाध्यता पनि थियो । करीब एक वर्षसम्म एउटै ठाउँमा बसेर भेटघाट नै नगर्नु, एउटा रमाइलो कुरा थियो । तैपनि उसको बारेमा मलाई र मेरा बारेमा उसलाई सबै थाहा थियो ।

बिदाको दिन थियो । म बजारमा किनमेल गरेर र्फकदै थिएँ । त्यहि त हो एक्लोपना सँगै उसको सम्झना सम्झिदा पिडा हुन्थ्यो । हिडैदा गर्दा मैले निर्णय गर्दै थिएँ । अब ऊसँगको मित्रता विस्तारै कम गर्दै लाने ऊसले थाहा नपाउने गरि । फोन, च्याट, इमेल विस्तारै कम गर्दै लगेर उसको सर्म्पर्कबाट टाढा हुने । त्यसका लगि केहि समय लाग्थ्यो र त्यो समयमा भएका गफहरुमा प्रायः आफ्नो बारेमा कमै भन्ने उहि पहिले जस्तै । उसको बारेमा पनि कमै सोध्ने । प्रत्येक इमेल र फोनमा एउटै कुरा हुँदा उसले पनि फोन र इमेल विस्तारै कम गर्दै लग्थी ।

मलाई थाहा छ, उसलाई विर्सन गाह्रो त हुन्छ तैपनि प्रयास त गर्नै पर्ने थियो । मेरो आशाको त्यान्द्रो पनि चुडिसकेको थियो । उ मलाई प्रेम गर्थि भने एक वर्षसम्म त्यति कै बस्न सक्ने थिईन । म पो पुरुष उ नारीको कमलो मनले कसरी सहन सक्थ्यो । म भ्रममा थिएँ र मैले उसलाई विर्सनै पर्ने थियो । पिडाबाट छुट्कारा पाउनका निम्ति ।

बाटोमा हिडैदा गर्दा १०/१२ पाइला अगाडि मैले देखे । उ पनि कोहि साथीसँगै अगाडि गइरहेकी थिई । हैन कि ? कसरी हुन्नथ्यो । मैले उसको कपाल, हात, हिडाइलाई विर्सेकै थिइन । पहिला मैले उसको कपाल हेरें । उसको जस्तो कपाल अरु कसैको छैन, म सजिलै छुट्याउन सक्थें । उसको कपाल बाध्ने तरिकाबाट ।अनि हात हेरेँ उही हात त हो । अनि हिर्डाई र छेउबाट देखिएको उसको चम्किलो अनुहार, मैले उसलाई सजिलै चिने । उसको ढिलो हिर्डाईलाई म सजिलै भेटाउन सक्थेँ । बस केहि छिन रोकिएँ र फेरि हिडें । अब म उसलाई भेट्न र कुराकानी गर्न नै चाहन्न थिएँ । उसको चम्किलो अनुहारको सामना म कसरी गर्न सक्थें । कुनै पनि बेला ऊ पछाडी फर्कि भने उसले मलाई देख्ने थिई र उससँग कुराकानी गर्नु पर्ने थियो । कुराकानी गर्न प्रयाप्त थियो मलाई पिडा बढाउनका लागि । म यो सब चाँहदैन थिएँ । म सँग अब ऊसँग नभेटनका लागि तिनवटा विकल्प थिए । एकछिन त्यही रोकिएर धेरै पछि त्यही बाटो जाने, अर्को थियो त्यो बाटो नै नजाने कतै मोडिएर जाने र अन्तिम विकल्प थियो त्यही बाटो जाने तर अर्को छेउबाट ऊ भन्दा एकदम छिटो ऊसलाई नदेखे झैं गरेर ।

म एकछिन रोकिएँ मलाई त्यो बाटो छोडेर भाग्न अथवा त्यहीं रोकिन मन लागेन । अन्तिम विकल्प नै सायद ठिक थियो । मैले बाटो काटेँ र त्यही बाटो अर्को छेऊबाट छिटो छिटो पाईला चालेँ । उ पट्टित र्फकने कुरै थिएन, नदेखे झै गर्नु थियो । अनि आफ्नै परिचित हिर्डाईमा एकदम छिटो छिटो चलें । ऊ भन्दा केहि अगाडि आए पछि फेरि बाटो काटेँ र उ हिडेकै छेउबाट हिड्न थालें । किनभने म घर जाने बाटो त्यहि छेउबाट जान्थ्यो । उसले मलाई देखि की देखिन थाहा छैन तर म उ भन्दा अघि अघि गैरहेको थिएँ, छिटो छिटो सायद केहि अत्तालिदो गरेर ।
आफ्नो घर जाने बाटोछेउमै अडिएर पछाडि हेरें। उ कहिं थिईन । टाढाटाढा सम्म । म उसलाई प्रेम गर्ने मान्छे । म उसलाई नभेटेरै एकदमै अगाडि आएको थिएँ, उसले कहिलै भेट्नै नसक्ने गरि ।

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एक होती है पत्नी, एक होती है प्रेमिका.

दोनों में ‘प’ अक्षर की समानता है. लेकिन पहले में ‘प’ में ‘र’ का जुड़ाव नहीं होता. शुरू में शायद होता हो जो विवाह के बाद नज़र नहीं आता.

अक्सर प्रेमी पति-पत्नी बनने के बाद प्रेमी नहीं रहते, ख़रीदी हुई जायदाद की तरह दोनों एक दूसरे के मालिक हो जाते हैं. दोनों एक-दूसरे की क़ानूनी जायदाद होते हैं. जिसमें तीसरे का दाखिला वर्जित होता है. समाज में भी, अदालतों में भी और नैतिकता के ग्रंथों में भी. वह आकर्षण जो शादी से पहले एक-दूसरे के प्रति नज़र आता है, वह कई बार के पहने हुए वस्त्रों की तरह, बाद में मद्धम पड़ जाता है.

मानव के इस मनोविज्ञान से हर घर में शिकायत रहती है. कभी-कभी यह शिकायत मुसीबत भी बन जाती है. दूरियों से पैदा होने वाला रोमांस जब नजदीकियों के घेरे में आकर हकीक़त का रूप धर लेता है तो रिश्तों से सारी चमक-दमक उतार लेता है. फिर न पति आकाश से धरती पर आया उपहार होता है और न पत्नी का प्यार खुदाई चमत्कार होता है.

मेरी एक ग़ज़ल का शेर है,

देखा था जिसे मैंने कोई और था शायद
वो कौन है, जिससे तेरी सूरत नहीं मिलती

हिंदी कथाकार शानी की एक कहानी है, शीर्षक है ‘आखें’. इसमें ऐसे ही एक प्रेम विवाह में फैलती एकरसता को विषय बनाया गया है. दोनों पति-पत्नी बासी होते रिश्ते को ताज़ा रखने के लिए कई कोशिशें करते हैं. कभी सोने का कमरा बदलते हैं, कभी एक दूसरे के लिए गिफ्ट लाते हैं, कभी आधी रात के बाद चलने वाली अंग्रेज़ी फ़िल्मों की सीडी चलाते हैं….मगर फिर वही बोरियत… अंत में कथा दोनों को एक पब्लिक पार्क मे ले जाती है, दोनों आमने-सामने मौन से बैठे रहते हैं.

इस उकताहट को कम करने को पति सिगरेट लेने जाता है, मगर जब वापस आता है तो उसे यह देखकर हैरत होती है कि पत्नी से ज़रा दूर बैठा एक अजनबी उसकी पत्नी को उन्हीं चमकती आँखों से देख रहा होता है, जिनसे विवाह पूर्व वह कभी उस समय की होने वाली पत्नी को निहारता था…

अर्थशास्त्र का एक नियम है, वस्तु की प्राप्ति के बाद वक़्त की क़ीमत लगातार घटती जाती है. पास में पानी का जो महत्व होता है, प्यास बुझने के पश्चात वही पानी में उतनी कशिश नहीं रखता.

मेरी एक कविता है;

पहले वह रंग थी
फिर रूप बनी
रूप से जिस्म में तब्दील हुई
और फिर…
जिस्म से बिस्तर बन के
घर के कोने में लगी रहती है
जिसको कमरे में घुटा सन्नाटा
वक़्त बेवक़्त उठा लेता है
खोल लेता है बिछा लेता है.

बूढ़े ग़ालिब के युग के जवान शायर दाग़ देहलवी थे.

उनके पिता नवाब शम्सुद्दीन ने अपनी बंदूक से देश प्रेम में ईस्ट इंडिया कंपनी के एक अधिकारी को उड़ा दिया था. नवाब साहब को फाँसी दी गई और उनकी पत्नी अपने पाँच साल के बेटे को रामपुर में अपनी बहन के हवाले करके, जान बचाने के लिए इधर-उधर भागती रहीं. जहाँ उन्हें मदद मिली वहाँ-वहाँ इसकी क़ीमत उन्हें अपने शरीर से चुकानी पड़ी. जिसके नतीजे में दाग़ के एक भाई और बहन अंग्रेज़ नस्ल से भी हुए.

20061116223752kavita_gyanendra02.jpg
चित्रांकन-लाल रत्नाकर

यह अभागिन महिला आख़िर में, आख़िरी मुगल सम्राट के होने वाले जानशीन मिर्ज़ा फखरू के निकाह में आई. यह 1857 से पहले का इतिहास है. महल में आने के बाद माँ को रामपुर में छोड़े हुए बेटे की याद आई और किस्मत, बदकिस्मत बेटे को रामपुर से लालकिले में ले आई.

1857 से एक साल पहले मिर्जा फखरू का देहांत हुआ और उसके बाद माँ और बेटा दोनों फिर से बेघर हो गए. दाग़ उस वक़्त 23-24 वर्ष के थे…वह शायर बन चुके थे. मशहूर हो चुके थे. शायरी ने उस समय के रामपुर नबाव को उन पर मेहरबान बनाया और उन्होंने फिर से घर-बार बसाया.

रामपुर में हर साल एक मेला लगता था. जिसमें देश की मशहूर तवायफ़ें अपने गायन और नृत्य का प्रदर्शन करती थीं. उन तवायफों में एक नवाब साहब के भाई की प्रेमिका थी. दाग़ का दिल उसी पर आ गया. उनका नाम था मुन्नी बाई हिजाब.

दिल की दीवानगी में अक्ल शामिल नहीं होती. इस दीवानगी में वह घर से बेघर भी हो सकते थे-जान भी ख़तरे में पड़ सकती थी. लेकिन मुहब्बत की दीवानगी पत्नी के मना करने के बावजूद नवाब साहब के नाम एक ख़त लिखवा देती है. खत में लिखा गया था, “नवाब साहब आपको ख़ुदा ने हर ख़ुशी से नवाज़ा है, मगर मेरे लिए सिर्फ़ एक ही ख़ुशी है और वह है मुन्नी बाई.”

नवाब तो दाग़ की शायरी के प्रशंसक थे. उन्होंने मुन्नी बाई के ज़रिए ही उत्तर भेजा. लिखा था - “दाग़ साहब हमें आपकी ग़ज़ल से ज़्यादा मुन्नी बाई अजीज़ नहीं है.” मुन्नी बाई दाग़ साहब की प्रेमिका के रूप में उनके साथ रहने लगीं. लेकिन जब मन में धन का प्रवेश हुआ तो मन बेचारा बंजारा बन गया और मुन्नी बाई उन्हें छोड़ के चली गईं.

दाग़ का शेर है

तू जो हरजाई है अपना भी यही तौर सही
तू नहीं और सही और नहीं, और सही

यूरोप में रिश्तों की इस उकताहट को ‘कॉनजुगल बोरडम’ यानी वैवाहिक उकताहट कहते हैं.

पति-पत्नी के संबंध की इस तब्दीली ने ही कोठों या तवायफों की संस्कृति को जन्म दिया था. कुछ साल पहले तक पत्नी के होते हुए किसी वेश्या से संबंध रखने को बुरा नहीं समझा जाता था. इस्मत चुग़ताई ने इस परंपरा के विरोध में ‘लिहाफ़’ नामक कहानी लिखी जिसमें पत्नी का एकांत उसे लेस्बियन यानी समलैंगिक बना देता है.

देश-विदेश की जितनी भी बड़ी प्रेम कथाएँ हैं, जिन पर महान काव्यों की रचना हुई है, उनमें कोई कथा पति-पत्नी के पात्रों में नज़र नहीं आती, हीर-रांझा हो, लैला-मजनूँ हो, सोहनी-महिवाल हो या शीरीं- फ़रहाद हो, इन सबका अंत मिलन पर नहीं वियोग पर होता है.

अजूबा प्रेम

मुगल शासन काल में, केवल दो अपवाद नज़र आते हैं. एक जहाँगीर और नूरजहाँ का प्यार और दूसरा ख़ुर्रम और अरजुमंद बानो का प्रेम.

लेकिन जहाँगीर और उसके सुपुत्र शाहजहाँ के इश्क में एक अंतर भी है. नूरजहाँ शेर अफ्गन की पत्नी थी जो बाद में जहाँगीर की मलिका बनी.

नूरजहाँ से जहाँगीर की कोई संतान भी नहीं है. ख़ुर्रम (जो बादशाह बनकर शाहजहाँ के नाम से जाना जाता है) और अरजुमंद (जो बाद में मुमताज़ महल बनी) का इश्क़ भी पति-पत्नी का इश्क़ है. लेकिन वह शाहजहाँ के 13 बच्चों की माँ बनकर भी बरक़रार रहा.

यह प्रेम संसार का एक अजूबा है. मुमताज़ महल का निधन चौदहवें बच्चे के जन्म के समय हुआ था. वह बुरहानपुर में मरी थीं. वहीं उन्हें दफ़्न भी किया गया था. लेकिन मुमताज़ से शाहजहाँ की मुहब्बत को मौत भी खत्म नहीं कर पाई. वह मुमताज़ की कब्र को भी अपने करीब रखना चाहता था. इसी लिए इसे बुरहानपुर में उसकी कब्र से निकलवाकर जमना के शांत किनारे ताजमहल में दोबारा सुलाया गया.

औरंगजेब ने जब शाहजहाँ को क़ैद कर दिया था तो वह क़ैदखाने की एक खिड़की से मुमताज़ के ताजमहल को ही देखा करता था.

शाहजहाँ और मुमताज़ जैसी मुहब्बत की आज हमारे संसार को ज़्यादा ज़रूरत है.

Stupid

Actually I am running since a long time.. to go there (there is unknown place ).. doing jobs making them ( sometimes you are also on tTem)happy.

 

More work, less money (not always) and being busy.. Beginning with ganesh a stupid and small Murti (to avoid all badness ?? around me a stupid thing itself hehe cause what remaining to happen now..)..

 

NEA (nepal electricity authority) is my villain .. it always disturbs to me.. I would like to work more and it forced to sleep (in installment sometimes) till Mid June.. I am alone.. ( not always) and used to be with my dream, song and specially my best friend (movies) .. haha working with watching movie is a really a great experience to give really poor performance..

 

It’s mid night and Kathmandu is on sleep. I have few friends (are you? I am not feeling.. with criteria.. that you have) online.. and they all are on work .. ( I don’t know what they are doing)..

 

Always(it means every days with few exceptions) there are few websites that I used to browse, few songs that I used to listen, few words that I would like to read (yes read..) and to remember ..

 

Haha, I have browsed a website today..he is my unethical friend’s website (sorry my friend’s unethical website due to few words..) I read him (really I like words that he used)and love words..that he used..

 

——————————————

 

Shadows Off of A DREAM

 

I sometime seem to be alone, tired and unspoken… freaking around places and holding glasses of wine and cigarettes …. I hoped that old memories of mine would leave my spirit soon … But Damn !! Overkill !! slings and arrows kill me from inside and all my thoughts or dreams remain without an answer…I tried moving on but its all broken delicate wings… yup !! trying to Lift shadows off a Dream once broken.. but Maybe its too late to accept the life thats mine..

 

I stand by the window with my eyes upon the moon.. the Pictures of dreams hunt me everytime… Its been a long, long time and I feel like I am Lost in the sky, clouds roll by and I roll with them.. flying HIGH !! damn !! They took away the pictures of my dreams..

 

 

Hallucinations.. !!

 

Have you ever thought of a sand castle built on the sea side. It looks marvellous, it houses all the dreams all the love and togetherness as well. But a gentle wave makes it to vanish in thin air. We know that it was there but we cannot find it anymore. No one realises that it was not merely a sand castle, it was our dreams actually. But who has the command over fate, not you not me.

 

Still dream, still feel the difference but one can feel that its not the same.

 

I like to gaze at the stars at night, have you ever yearned for a shooting star??? Maybe yes maybe no who knows !!!!. Well i saw aone few days back, it seemed as entire era was passing by as i was looking at it fade and disappear into the horizon. It was gone, it had to go: Why again its fate. My options: simply to glare into the darkness and say thank you for it had lightened my world even for a small fraction of time. I waited for some time, i had a hallucination that it would return and glow forever for me. I knew that it was not possible, the world has to be turned upside down, it was simply a naive effort of mine to persuade myself.

 

You know me, a free and fun loving girl/guy who always enjoyed laughing and shedding some tears. I dont say that i have changed but now it seems changes are a part of a my life. WhY?? Maybe simply to survive and breathe as others do.

 

The sense of responsibility was missing from my life. It is not that i have realised it just now, but this thought has been lingering in my mind for a long time.It time to get real and to get out of the fantasy land.

 

Babi re.. ” RISHUTHYO “

 

What kind of life is this if you have to fret and fume the whole time without ever smiling for even a few hours? An indeed a wasteful life whose end is like everyone else’s yet is filled with tribulations and tremor. My life….the whole 23 years have been nothing really to be proud of and yet still more years to come, lot more to achieve. But why do I feel I have had enough? Why isn’t there a burning desire in me to do something? To be someone? I have been a loner my whole life. I like to do things my way but why doesn’t anyone just let me be me? Expectations are devilish. When something doesn’t turn out the way it should its not the failure you feel inside but the expectation you have……that hurts. It would be so much easier if I didn’t had any expectations, then there wouldn’t be a question of letting me down. You might see me as a pathetic loser, a psyched depressed soul. But I see myself as someone who has accepted the reality. But Reality is one of those excruciating words. What is real? For me only death is real……..all other stuffs in life are just distractions……….the end is always death. You Live to Die.

 

Just ssshhhhhh shut up and Listen

 

Huncha ma vandina kina vaney garera dekauchu, Dekhey mailey dherai jharey, aba ma pani kei garchu, chup lagg bachhaa haru aba dai le kura vanchu jharey parey aaye kyaare daya baaya, i aint into cocain, i am still the aakash

 

dherai barsha bityo , dekhey dherai jharey paarey , ghar maa aai tv herchu, but kati hernu !! sadhai ko same old shits.. dimaag maa kich kich ko suruwaat…. ma ke garum !! ma ke garum !@!! lekhey 3-4 wota journal, tara faaley mailey byartha, kei dekhina mailey oochit future..sana tinaa kura chan, tyai kura ko kach kach, yo baun ko saano rish , ma ta malai matlab chaina, vancha jasley malai jhaarey ..tara thikai cha,mero yo uljhan, kina tyasai tolai rako chu, ani ke chaiyo, ma ta purano days samjhera… ma ta danga, ani ke chayo ….tyai ho..

 

“.. In remembrance of the memories I have.. .julez poem re!!”

 

Wat memories I have!! wat story do I belong to?? was never so loud n clear till u were gone……was I strong enough to see u go by err was I so week to let u go…. i constantly keep asking myself …with the raining if questions still my mind is completely filled. I wish to move my steps back till I see u before…capture that moment n never look ahead. My wishes r all in vein, when I see myself so ahead that I can hardly even find the traces, but the memories all so filled pound my heart so loud that with every beat I can feel your presence. I was never to see any dreams never to hold any realism then why was I so moved by u. Years passed by leaving memories as a teardrop in the check of time. N every time I look at the time to realize wat have I lost by. It was not u it was that heart I had once treasured, well I say I still do but why have u left me behind with nth more than that memories on which I rely. Tears r no more by…I have cried to my veins n now I m nth more than a hollow shaft 4m all sides. I have suppressed all I have with all the works I adhere but no matter how hard I work to keep myself away I feel so ruined so destroyed. Every puff I take wishing my memories go with the smoke that vanishes in no time but every time I puff n realize its just the memory I have. I see no ways no paths ….was I to see no dreams again?? Everytime I close my eyes thinkin it would be my last night but nah I aint to die n nor can I die. I aint even living…n I know this. Life is so identical to hell ‘I smile to my last breath n my sadness is over shadowed but wat do I do in dark? When I hear nth more than silence!! a silence n ur heart pounds within me louder than ever makin me realize that it was all real. I had it with u n I shall for ever treasure.

 

Dream.. what exactly is !! ??

 

Have been thinking about this for a while now, and decided to gather my thoughts and type it out. There are a few things which often left me wondering as to how to deal with them. Dream, Desires and Expectations are those which often left me thinking as to where and how a dream can become a desire or expectations.

 

If we retrospect our own lives, i find that in most cases we suffer because somehow our dreams became our desire and hence it hurts when it isn’t fulfilled. We start expecting certain things and certain behaviour from a person or situation which if doesn’t happen to our liking we get hurt. We often become un-reasonable and become crazy about that fact that we desire something and we can’t exist without it. then we get hurt since more than often it’s a desire which we have built up within ourself, not considering the circumstances well.

 

This doesn’t mean i hate dreaming or have desires. The key is to define our expectations and set our desires at an appropriate level and be honest to ourself and to the situation when we do the same. There is no point building castles in air or by sea side, they don’t stay for long and it hurts when they are gone. It’s fun to play on the sand, but not in real life. So better ewatch out when you desire and always remember what you deserve. So the balance between what you desire and what you deserve is very important to keep you away from pain of unfulfilled desires and expectations.

 

It’s not easy to be rational when it comes to limit your desires and expectations. I never stop dreaming, neither am i asking you to stop, but just make sure that you don’t turn your dreams into desires without really considering the fact that it is only your desire, not what you deserve. If you deserve, there is no harm in it, since it would be yours, sooner or later.

 

Dream, have your eyes on the sky and feet on the ground !!

 

Moving on?

 

Someone once told me, if a glass object breaks, don’t try to gather the broken pieces, it will hurt your fingers. Just broom them off !! I was asked to Move on!! I know it’s easier said than done, when it comes to real life and I feel it’s true to the last letter. So you might want to gather the larger pieces to start with, that is solve the larger problems. If they get solved, then go for the smaller ones. The tragedy however is that the smaller ones hurts more. So unless you pick the bigger ones, don’t go for the smaller ones. If nothing works, yes, broom them off !!!

 

I believe, when you try to move on and there is a change in your life, then the person involved was very dear to you. If you move on and nothing much changes for you, then the person wasn’t really that important. Most often people are scared to move on- insecurity stops them.

 

I Remember the time when I walked alone and this person came along. So if you see the life ahead is lonely, don’t get bothered, since once you start working and you are deserving, someone will walk along holding your hand. Make sure you make yourself desirable. There are lot of people in the world who appreciates sincerity above anything else. So just go ahead and yes - ‘keep walking’ :).. again- I guess it’s easier said than done..

 

I felt like mentioning a little about dreams and expectations. Considering my dreams as goals and expectations, keep them to the minimum. The tough part is the ignorance to realize those dreams, so be worried to search that, i don’t search for the goal, i search the path to reach there. Now a days- I Don’t expect a lot from people, the less you expect, the less pain you are likely to get.

 

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Do you understand after reading all these ? You seems stupid.. really I am not.. However it has meanings.. you should read 2/3 times to get then you will have own explain with your words after reading…

 

Oh no…….err… again same thing.. 2am night (my power cut schedule is 3 am today)..writing stupid things with watching movie .. no smoking (another stupid film) and uploaded (actually replaced) WRONG files to wrong website (client will kill me)..Be happy :(

Hi,

It’s beginning again for next 364 days… to count same year if somebody ask about my age. Many hopes, some non logical things to do, to achieve few more, to live little funny-crazy-busy life and to think differently and- and mainly to wish to be with all of you… it’s my b’day… happy birth day to me… :)

After a long time period, I have got something to post here on my site. :) Just read and read..

10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called “best friend”. I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn’t notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said “thanks” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

11th grade

The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn’t want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said “thanks” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

Senior year

The day before prom she walked to my locker. “My date is sick” she said; he’s not going to go well, I didn’t have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as “best friends”. So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step! I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she doesn’t think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said “I had the best time, thanks!” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

Graduation Day

A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn’t notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone
went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, “you’re my best friend, thanks” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

A Few Years Later

Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say “I do” and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn`t see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said “you came!”. She said “thanks” and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

Funeral

Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my “best friend”. At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read:


I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn’t notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love him but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me!

I wish

I wish I did too… I thought to my self, and I cried.

i love u
i love u
i love u and love you…….

Send this link to all the people that you love! Even if you dont love someone send it to them….just to let them no that your thinkin about them!!

SLC result 2063 has been published. More students are passed this year compared with previous years. I used to maintain website for Office of the Controller of Examinations (www.soce.gov.np). We have got confirmed around 6pm that result is going too published. We (me with Deepak sir) moved around 8pm (because we was sure time can take till 12 as last year) with laptop and UDB drive.

We have meet Harka sir (Examinations (OCE) Chief) and other officials regarding to connect internet.

A BOY HAD CANCER AND HE HAD ONE MONTH TO LIVE. HE LIKED A GIRL WORKING IN A CD SHOP VERY MUCH. BUT HE DID NOT TOLD HER ABOUT HIS LUV. EVERYDAY HE WENT TO THE CD SHOP AND BOUGHT A CD ONLY TO TALK TO HER. AFTER A MONTH HE DIED. WHEN THE GIRL WENT HIS HOME AND ASKED ABOUT HIM, HIS MOM TOLD THAT HE DIED AND TOOK HER TO HIS ROOM. SHE SAW ALL THE CD’S UNOPENED. THE GIRL CRIED N CRIED N FINALLY DIED. YOU KNOW Y SHE CRIED? ÇOZ SHE HAD KEPT HER OWN LUV LETTERS INSIDE THE CD PACKS.SHE ALSO LUVED HIM.

moral of the story:

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If u love someone……say to her directly don’t wait for the destiny to play the role. otherwise u will lose that person. So buddy, get enough courage to say “I love you” to the one you loved